Searching For Me

Last night, at youth group, my husband encouraged his junior high workers to remember back to when they were in junior high.

Um....no thanks.

It was too close to bedtime, and going down that memory lane was sure to lead to nightmares.

But because I love my husband, and he is super cute, I took the risk.

My early teenage years were...um...how would I describe it?  TERRIBLE.

I started junior high on the tail end of some hard-core tomboy years.  Like NBA-jersey-wearing-no-hair -brushing years. I moved into the middle school and realized that other girls brushed their hair (and teeth), so I made some adjustments so I would at least survive socially. I got into 7th grade, and realized that girls didn't wear WWJD bracelets or Bible t-shirts 5 days a week, so I made some more adjustments so I could at least fly under the radar. Then the next semester I realized that flying under the radar wasn't super fulfilling so I adjusted my behavior a bit more so I could move up the popularity scale.  (There really was a list of who was the most popular in my school!) I realized that to overcome my Wal-Mart wardrobe and orange frizzy hair I would have to change a bit more.  I would need to gossip strategically, complain effectively, and chase after what my peers were chasing after.

It was a busy few years!  The name of the game was change.  I would make changes to myself so I didn't feel quite so unsure of myself.  Then a few more changes so I could grasp a bit more confidence in the death-trap hallways of middle school.  And when popularity and confidence were finally within grasp, make just a few... more..... tweaks..... to grab hold of it!

But I never got it.  The assurance that I was searching for, the identity that I so desired to build, the well-liked and confident Rebekah that I so wanted to be was not to be found.

At least not at the time.

And it left me hurting, lonely, and restless.

Can somebody tell me that I'm not alone? Can anyone relate with my search for confidence?

Do you feel like you are working overtime, searching for yourself?  Maybe, just maybe, if your jeans would fit a bit differently, you would find some confidence? Maybe, if you could just change up your reputation, kinda be done with the quiet church mouse and instead be a bit bigger, bolder, and more dramatic you--then you will be confident.  If just 5 more people complimented you,  6 more people favorited your photo, 7 more retweeted your thoughts, then you could be sure of yourself.

As a survivor of junior high and high school, I am compelled to share with you some horrible good news:

Your search for you is not going to be successful. Your quest for identity through relationships, looks, and favor is going to leave you empty-handed and exhausted.

Can I suggest a new area to look for confidence?

Quit looking at the gorgeous girls that you want to look like.  Cease gazing at the cliques that close you out.


And look, instead, at God. 


Because when you come to God, the God that made you, He will show you who He has made you to be.

And you might hear Him say this:

Beautiful Daughter,

You have no idea how thrilled I am to have your attention! How I have longed for you to come to me, to hear what I think about you.  Do you have any idea how much I love you?  As I was building you, before your birth, I loved you! Do you know the value you have in me?! I made you, just as you are, for a reason.  My treasured one, I created you, uniquely, so please stop trying to fit in.  Search for confidence, right here, in Me.  Because I love you, and I will take care of you! The world--the world will only lie to you, chew you up, and spit you out. But not me---I loved you enough to sacrifice my Son so that I could have you. Please come to me to find out who you are.  You are loved.  You are enough.  You don't have to be loved by everyone--or anyone--at school.  My love for you is enough.  I don't care if you are too skinny, too curvy, quiet, loud, or a red-headed lefty.  I created you for a purpose.  Stay close to me, and I'll show you that purpose.

--God

Girls, how I hope you can stop using the world's map to find yourself.  Just come fully to the God who made you.  There you'll find confidence, purpose, and love---a love that will change everything.